dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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