Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
