the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
