you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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