Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
