So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
