dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
