He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
