I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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