i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
