He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
