i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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