Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His nipple licking is glorious
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