Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
