I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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