I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just had sex on a roof
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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