i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
