One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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