at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
