I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
