it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
