True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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