When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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