btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
