idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
