Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
