hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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