Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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