I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
