Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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