Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
