She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
