Porn is love you can see.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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