So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
