Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
