i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
