she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
