Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
