New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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