curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
