A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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