ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
