I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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