As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
