I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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