Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
