Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
