How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
