she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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