i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
