so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
