if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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