I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
