We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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